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Pitchfork Review
Feral forest children with pitchforks for hands. NYC visitors on foreign country turf. Choreographed dance numbers to Andy Grammer’s “Honey, I’m Good.” These are the supposed horrors of Glenn Douglas...
View ArticleThe Founder Review
“Here is the church. Here is the steeple. Except this one has golden arches, and feeds all the people.” Do you like my update to the child’s game above (you know, with the hand motions and stuff),...
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Galactic Empire: A Star Wars Themed Metal Band From A Galaxy Not So Far Away
As a film critic and metal enthusiast, I can’t resist a good meeting of mediums. Movies like Deathgasm utilize the devil’s music to further themes and action, while bands like Austrian Death Machine...
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The Snare Review
The Snare‘s biggest problem (among MANY), is that stakes are never defined. Creator C.A. Cooper introduces three (hollow) characters, a seaside vacation setting and a conflict. No backstory or forward...
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Split Review
Like the varying voices that shape James McAvoy’s performance(s) in Split, my mind is filled with conflicting opinions about M. Night Shyamalan’s latest thriller. McAvoy’s numerous appearances make for...
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xXx: Return Of Xander Cage Review
Watching xXx: Return Of Xander Cage mimics the effect of mainlining a Red Bull/Jolt Cola concoction while you skydive off the Empire State Building with only a handkerchief for a parachute. It’s like...
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My Father Die Review
My Father Die is an angry little debut for Sean Brosnan, and thankfully for papa Pierce Brosnan, not with biographical intent. It’s true that Brosnan keeps revenge in the family, but only by way of...
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The Axe Murders Of Villisca Review
As far as “unsolved mystery” horror films go, The Axe Murders Of Villisca is nothing more than generic at best. Why prey on such a famed case in – wait, let’s rewind quick. Are you even aware of this...
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Death Race 2050 Review
Back in 2008, Paul W. S. Anderson rebooted cult-classic Death Race 2000 with a safer, more marketable appeal. Gone were the innocent drive-bys and splattered civilians, replaced with prisoners who...
View ArticleA Dog’s Purpose Review
A Dog’s Purpose is 2017’s Collateral Beauty (I know it’s early, but I’ve got no better comparison). Holy shit. Killing multiple canine companions under the guise of reincarnation does not make for an...
View ArticleI Am Michael Review
Michael Glatze – the titular “Michael” of I Am Michael – rocked the LGBT community with both positive influence and negative poison (a life story that he sold for $75K). His pursuit of purity is what...
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Exclusive Sadako Vs Kayako Clip Is Quite The Head-Turner
Premiering today on AMC’s horror streaming service Shudder is Kôji Shiraishi’s Sadako Vs Kayako, a heavyweight battle between two Japanese genre icons. Yes, you heard me right – premiering. Shudder has...
View ArticleResident Evil: The Final Chapter Review
I sit before you a broken, devastated Resident Evil fan after watching Paul W.S. Anderson’s final nail in Alice’s coffin, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. This is coming from a Resident Evil...
View ArticleThe Space Between Us Review
After a few calculated launch delays, I can confirm that The Space Between Us is finally rocketing onto US cinema screens – but not without losing momentum thanks to continual push-backs. The film is a...
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The Lure Review
Agnieszka Smoczynska’s The Lure demands praise as one of the year’s most unique, unexpected treats; a fanciful feast of cannibalistic Eurotrash ultra-sweetness. Believe in this female-directed debut...
View ArticleRings Review
So far, 2017 has not been kind to long-delayed horror releases. Remember The Bye Bye Man? What a dreadful way to kickstart another year of screams. Surely no other genre equivalent could dethrone such...
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The LEGO Batman Movie Review
Wait, a Batman film that doesn’t include an obligatory flashback to the death of Bruce Wayne’s parents? Thank you, The LEGO Batman Movie. We all know the Caped Crusader’s origins. Save the dramatics...
View ArticleA Cure For Wellness Review
Mortality. A constant unknown that plagues the human condition. We try to delay its effects, but no matter what – someday – the Grim Reaper will coming knocking. Sorry to start off on such a dark note,...
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John Wick: Chapter 2 Review
John Wick: Chapter 2 turns a familiar page in Keanu Reeves’ cartoonish assassin franchise. Back are the stylized “Gun Fu” battles, lavish locales and adorable dogs (who are safe this time), like some...
View ArticleFifty Shades Darker Review
Oh, Fifty Shades Darker. It’s impossible to fantasize about what could have been. Foundations for an erotic trashterpiece are laid, but director James Foley doesn’t understand camp sensibilities. With...
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